The Return..

Jiah! that sounds more like the title of a horror movie... lol

However, there's nothing horrific about it... it's actually silly. So after a Looooooooooooong Pause or hibernating phase of updating this blog.... here I am... TA-DA!!

The reasons are many but the most prominent one is that I was doing my MA degree and I created a new blog for it... you can find it here

However, due to brain limitation and poor password management, I lost the password to this blog. Which prompt me to continue writing on the other blog.

Now that I finished my MA and return to Ambon... Oh I am in Ambon at the moment....I magically recover the password to THIS blog and lost the password to the OTHER blog... lol... I know! I Know!

Either way, I am back!

Short note

Just taking this quick moment to say that I love being a Mum.
It can be very frustrating, exhausting and monotonous especially in my case but all is rewarding. For every tired bones, there are smiles from Tania. For every minute I am about to burst out and yell in exasperation, There she is stood with innocent smile and lovingly if not trusting calling me "Mama Annie". For every seconds that it feels very monotonous, she performs a new things she learned, a new word, a new movements etc.

Life is just beautiful and unpredictable.

Senyum Manis itu....

Pagi-Pagi iseng lihat2 foto yang di posting adik2 di Facebook. Ternyata, Sudah Ada perubahan persepsi tentang Bagaimana cara tersenyum. Senyum manis itu bukan lagi  tarikan Dua sisi bibir ke atas, atau pun sumringah yang kelihatan deret gigi. agar wajah terlihat Bahagia.

Berdasarkan rangkaian foto-foto yang Saya lihat Pagi ini maka, senyum manis yang menarik itu adalah....

1. Menggembung-gembungkan pipi... Dengan bibir yang mencurut... Selintas jadi Mirip ikan kembung or puffer fish ... Bayangkan Ny. Puff... Guru mengemudinya Spongebob Squarepants

2. Penampakan ikan kembung ini masih di kombinasikan lagi dengan 2 kening yang terangkat ke atas seolah sedang kaget, terperangah atau sedang me-WOW kan sesuatu... Dengan Dagu sedikit mendongak atau di donyongkan ke bawah Dan bahu yang di majukan kedepan seperti foto model lagi pose

3. Kalau bukan senyum ala ikan kembung atau puffer fish... Maka Gaya senyum terbaru adalah mengemut bibir kebelakang... Hmmm atau gimana ya cara mendeskripsikannya.... Pokoknya berusaha agar Lesung pipi kelihatan. 

4. Kemudian Selain ekspresi wajah tersebut Akan di tambah dengan pose-pose Lainnya seperti mengucek rambut, atau setidaknya Tanganpun harus di rambut, disisi kepala de el el seperti sedang Sakit kepala, pusing atau lagi bête. Menggigit jari. Meletakan Tangan Di depan mulut seperti teperangah. And so on

Mengapa anak2 sekarang mau Saja menjadi Ny. Puff Saya tidak tahu. Mungkin itu definisi cute saat ini. Merujuk kepada maraknya trend K-Pop (mungkin)

Baiklah... Saya tidak menentang atau melarang ekspresi diri generasi yang Lebih muda Dari Saya. Toh dengan kemajuan teknologi dimana Semua orang Sudah bisa memiliki kamera Dan kemudian men-share-nya dengan jaringan pertemanan, Baik di dunia Nyata atau pun dunia maya, kita Semua merasa ketertarikan Dan kebutuhan untuk mengkespresikan diri kita. 

Hehehehe....Ternyata senyum manis pun menderita sebuah perubahan persepsi.
Kalau melihat foto2 Jaman Oma opa dulu... wajah mereka kadang Tanpa senyum, terlihat dingin Dan kadang tidak menatap kamera. 

Foto2 jaman mama Dan papa, terlihat Lebih Berani Dan frontal terhadap bidikan kamera. Mereka tersenyum Dan menatap kamera. Mari kita sepakat menyebut senyum ini sebagai senyum normal... (ingat normal itu relatif ya)

Foto2 Saya sendiri masih dengan pose senyum normal namun pada masa Saya pun senyum itu Sudah sedikit menjalani pergeseran. Bukan hanya senyum biasa, namun juga di tambah dengan kepala yang sedikit dimiringkan ke kiri Dan ke kanan secara asymmetries atau pun simetris. Kadang2 Saya Mengangkat jari telunjuk Dan jari tengah membentuk peace sign... Atau kadang Tanda peace ini di letakan secara diagonal di pipi... Merujuk ke cara pose teman2 Jepang. 

Dan sampai lah kita ke adik2ku tercinta yang mari secara comical Saya sebut generasi Mrs. Puff and Model-wanna-be. 

Sedihnya, Saya tidak bisa menentukan satu pun foto tersenyum yang tulus, yang tidak dibuat-buat walau banyak sekali foto2 cantik, ekspresif, cute de el el de es be ge... Mungkin mereka Semua sedang berlatih jadi model atau mengkespresikan Jiwa model yang Ada Dalam mereka. 

Hmmm... Kalau standar senyum ini di pakai Dalam penilaian Putri Indonesia atau Miss Indonesia apakah termasuk Dalam kategori 3 B (Brain Beauty Behaviour). Saya jadi ingat 2 Gadis manis yang Saya lihat di salon minggu lalu. Mereka cantik dengan polesan make-up, dandanan and tata rambut ala anak muda (baca K-Pop style). Mereka mengantar temennya yang Akan memotong poninya. Singkat kata 2 Gaddis manis K-Pop wanna-be ini duduk di Kursi tunggu yang letaknya tepat bersebelahan dengan Saya. Begitu duduk Dan kelihatan Kaca, salah satu Dari mereka mengeluarkan handphone kamera Dan mereka berdua pun sibuk menggembung2kan wajah Dan memotret berulang2 pose yang Saya sebut kan Diatas. Sambil setiap Kali berteriak 'awww kita cantik... Cute bangets!" kemudian salah satu Dari mereka tersenyum yang bisa Saya bilang senyum normal... Teman yang satu ya lagi pun bilang " yang ini dihapus Saja. Kamu senyum ya Jelek disini". O lalala!!!!

In the end, seperti yang Saya bilang Diatas... Saya tidak menentang Dan melarang... Tidak salah kan berekspresi.. Tapi jangan kehilangan jari dirimu yang sebenarnya hanya agar bisa disebutin cute, cantik Dan mengikuti trend.

You are beautiful in brain and Behaviour. Tinggal laku Dan bobot bicaramu (berpendidikan) yang Akan menjadi cerminan seberapa cantik dirimu. 

Berfoto ala K-Pop, CB, 7 Icons etc... Ayooooo... Saya juga suka kadang2 memakai pose2 ini... Buat lucu-lucuan Aja....

1 Week in Padang

Tomorow afternoon will be exactly 1 week of Tania and I joining Simon in Padang.
So far it has been an enjoyable adventure. I got several messages asking me whether our move will be 'permanent' (that is until Simon's contract is done) or just temporary, a month or two. At the moment I will say, I don't know. We'll play it by ears. Tania absolutely enjoy her time with her daddy and that is irreplaceable and too precious.

Padang adventure week 1 has its challenges and of course lots of joy.
We live in Simon's rented room 3 minutes (just guessing) walk from the office.
There are so many advantages to this. Tania got quality time with Daddy, Simon got food other than Makanan Padang and we get to safe up a lot of money. Simon comes home every lunch time and dinner. Tania gets to see her dad, read book and play iPad with him. We save up on food expenses because as Simon said he can spent up to 50,000 IDR for 1 day food just for himself. Now that I am cooking, 50,000 IDR stretches for 2 or 3 days for the three of us. Simon gets to eat vegetables cooked other than swimming in coconut milk, curries etc.

Now this very big advantages present a challenge for me, especially on the cooking front.
You see... It's a rented room so we have no kitchen. We also don't have/haven't bought a stove. So as I mentioned in my previous note, I am utilizing our rice cooker to cook all of our food. HAH!! Trust me it works BEAUTIFULLY!!! Of course it takes extra work, patience and creativity but oh yeah it works. (got couple of notes from friends who said they've tried it too)

Simon already suggest me to start posting my cooking with rice cooker recipe on my cooking blog (which I intended to do). Please keep watch on it. So I've cooked full meal for us of rice, Vegetables and proteins dish, porridge for Tania and I'll start on desert this week.

The rice cooker cooking took me back at our refugee camp. I still remember very vividly the time we fled our village during the Sectarian Conflict in 2000. We fled to my mother's sister's place who live at the Navy Base in Halong. There was no gasoline for our stove and our wood supply had ran out (we live in a navy complex housing and no where near the woods). Thus my mother took the liberty to use our rice cooker to cook almost all the food we have. So when Simon Andy I still thinking of buying a stove and need to set schedule to clear out some space to cook, I told him..,. I can cook Keith rice cooker in the mean time.
He told me later that he was quite amazed that I can produce full meal from it. Nah! It's no rocket science. Nor that I am overly creative etc... Experience and my Mom taught me not to give up on situation. Thank you Mama!

Notes on Padang Arrival Day and Day 1

- Short Note on Arrival in Padang: Arrived at about 3 PM. The weather was pretty bad and we had a bumpy ride on our airplane. We were welcomed by drizzle or rain and a slightly bigger one as we headed in a taxi to Simon's rented room, which will be our 'home' for the next ..... Time. I got Tania to sleep and then start unpacking and tidied thing up. Simon went to the market and bought the essentials... Electric Fan, Rice Cooker, water dispenser, plates, glasses and cutleries. We had a good nap. Our dinner was rice and food we packed from Ambon; sambal goreng Tempe and Ayam ungkep goreng, with an addition of pop mie to add a bit of soupy thing for our rice. note on the rice in Padang ... Not very nice. ---

Padang, Day 1
It was Sunday and it Began with no running water. 
It didn't dampen the spirit. What's a day without bath anyway? Hehehe.... Surely the three of us can managed that. 
We had the same breakfast as our dinner (meaning no extra spending for food)
Today is spent to shopping for some other essential and getting me to get used to the traffic (amazingly crazy people driving) and the route to the market and shops. It helps me to see the areas and calculate time and need whenever me and Tania go out for our daily food shopping. 
lunch at shopping center. Back to the room and nap.
Late afternoon was for me to get creative and utilize the rice cooker as our alternative cooking device (since we haven't bought the kompor yet)- warm the rice, cook Tania's porridge, heat the soup for our dinner. DONE! Lovely day 1.

The Water Girl

I remembered sitting in a Women Leadership class and our professor asked us to write a description of who we are. I wrote this following....

The water girl

Flows with the flows

Often bumps on hard rocks

But always manage to get through

Seeped through soil and hard stones

Though it takes time but the water will seep through

It is just a matter of time and patience

Colliding mingle mixing and always fluid with surrounding

Can be still as the lake

Can bubble with glee as the stream meet on the mouth of the sea.

Can sparkle and sprinkle as the raindrops lured it

Can rage as the stormed sea and calmed on the next wind breeze

Refreshed, soothed, cleansed

Deep and reflective

Reaching out and embrace

Water, element of life, you cannot live without.

I am now a ………… Momma

I was chatting with a friend last night and he asked me whether motherhood is difficult. The question took me by surprised for 2 reason; one, his question was a bit out of the content that we were talking about and second, I don’t know how to answer. Motherhood has its ups and downs but always the most beautiful role on earth. At the moment, my 1,2 y/o baby is beginning to walk and exploring so more work, time and attention are needed.

I asked him why he asked me that. He said I didn’t write anymore. He is looking forward for my next blog entry. Awww… how nice… It feels good when you know something you did is enjoyed by others.

I told him that of course Motherhood has its constraints. As a mother, I have different perspective of life, my priorities changed and husband, my baby and family life comes first. At the moment, better-half is working in another province so Tania got all my attention. Mind you, taking care of baby/toddler is a round the clock work. I admire my mother and generations before them.

I told my friend that despite the constraints, having a baby enable me to develop new skills.

I am now a …………

1. One-Hand-Momma: I am now skilled to work with one hand (left hand) while balancing a baby on my hip.
2. Multi-tasking Momma: I can talk on the phone with my husband while feeding Tania and simultaneously talking to her and Simon.
3. Creative-Momma: I made up silly songs in minutes or tell an imaginative story about bird poo in seconds.
4. Artistic-gymnastic-Momma: I sing, dance, pranced, jumped, run, roll, throw, catch and what ever that is needed to play, entertained and learn new skill with her
5. Talking-Polly-Momma: I talk about anything and everything to Tania. Repeating one word like a hundred times (or more) to help her pick up the language.
6. Chef-Momma: Constantly searching and researching for food and recipe that she will like and cook it from scratch. Tania is lactose intolerance. So we give her only home cooked food.

So I do write but not as much as I used to and as I wanted to. Most of the writing I do now were not publicized (yet). So I thank him for reminding me of my passion. Sometimes, we also need a bit of that kick to get us starting again. At the moment, I have a lot on my plate and I need to be wise to put everything in its position.

So here's an update on my blog for all my friends who wonder what on earth happening to me in Motherhood land. I tell you... it's a serious(ly) fun circus and I'm the Juggler!

Now I have to go, need to cook Tania's food before she wakes up.... have a nice day everyone

Repost from Friendster Blog - Series of Thoughts on the subject of LOVE (in Indonesian Language)

Originally posted on March 23, 2007 in My old Friendster blog

Cinta …
Satu-satunya kata yang paling sakti di dunia (dan akhirat).
Satu kata yang mampu menelurkan ribuan varian perwujudan.
Puisi … Lagu … Cerpen … Drama … Theater …
Lukisan … Novel …Simbol … Program TV…
Dan lain sebagainya yang masih dapat dirunut oleh kamu dan aku
Dan mungkin masih akan terus berkembang
Pada saat cucu dan cicit kita bertumbuh dan mengenal cinta itu …

Cinta ….
Pun memiliki ribuan objek dan sasaran …
Cinta kepada Tuhan … Cinta pada orang tua …
Cinta pada adik/kakak … cinta pada sepupu, om, tante, keluarga besar …
Cinta pada kekasih hati … Cinta kepada sahabat …
Cinta pada pekerjaan dan pengabdian … Cinta pada mahakarya …
Cinta kepada Negara …. Cinta kepada Almamater …
AND the list go on.

Cinta …
Punya banyak pemaknaan, pengorbanan dan penafsiran
Cinta buta … yang siap sedia membenturkan diri pada dinding-dinding pemisah…
Walau sesungguhnya Cinta itu tidak Pernah Buta…
Hanya mereka yang bercinta memilih untuk menutup mata…

Ada cinta terlarang …
yang perlu meliuk realita untuk dapat melegalkan sebuah hubungan
Yang kemudian diatas namakan cinta …

Cinta Sejati … betapa banyaknya orang yang mendengungkan pasangan kata ini
Bahkan anak SMP dan SMA yang baru berpacaran selama 2 hari
Sudah bisa menyebut pujaan hatinya sebagai Cinta Sejatinya …
Padahal sejatinya cinta itu belum tentu mereka pahami

Cinta tanpa pamrih (baca tulus) … Memang hanya cinta Tuhan pada manusia
Namun di dunia ..... mungkin hanyalah cinta orang tua kepada anak.
Seberapa bejatnya anak … orang tua tetap tidak akan mampu
Meninggalkan buah cinta dan darah dagingnya menderita dan disakiti.
Aku katakan mungkin karena ada juga
Orang tua yang memandang anak sebagai investasinya dimasa tua…
Agar ada yang merawat mereka pada saat mereka sudah tua, sakit-sakitan dan pikun
Tentu saja adalah kewajiban sang anak untuk kembali merawat orang tuanya
Tapi beberapa orang tua begitu terobsesi untuk hal balas budi ini sehingga yang terjadi
Bukanlah ketulusan sang anak dalam merawat melainkan membayar hutang semata

Dimensi cinta menjadi sangat universal…
Tiap generasi memiliki harta karun cinta-nya masing-masing
Bangsa-bangsa dari keempat penjuru mata anginpun
Dapat berpadu serasi pada cawan cinta
Cintalah yang membuat ebony dan ivory sit harmony
Cintalah yang membawa Melati dan Arabica duduk bersama (bukan hanya wafer tango..)

Cinta dapat bermanifestasi seturut kehendak yang mencinta
Einstein pun benar adanya … karena cinta pun relative

Cinta rasanya adalah pergolakan politik yang terus menerus
Sebuah proses merger dan bukan sebuah take over
Sebuah petualangan, pergolakan, politik yang sangat samar batasan dan indikatornya
Menakutkan namun menggairahkan …
Mengerikan namun mampu membuat kita mengecap langit ketujuh

Sebuah proses take and give yang selalu tidak pernah seimbang
Bila diukur pada neraca keadilan.
Salah satu dari kita tetaplah memberi lebih banyak disatu sisi
Dan disisi lain belahan jiwa kita itu yang akan memberi lebih dari pada kita
Semakin sering kita menghitung
seberapa banyak yang kita beri dan yang kita terima
Cinta akan semakin miskin dan bukannya semakin kaya
Gersang .... dan hanya seperti lintah darat

sibuk menghitung pembengkakan bunga pinjamannya

Kita tidak pernah bisa mengatakan secara jelas batasan adil dan tidaknya
Hanya yang bercinta saja yang mampu
Meraba batasan-batasan semu
Yang terus menerus bergeser itu….

Ada kalanya demi cinta dan mahligai cinta itu
Setangkup mimpi yang kita genggam harus tercampakan
Demi mewujudkan idealisme pengorbanan cinta
Tapi rasanya tak perlu demikian adanya
Cinta justru berarti suatu penyatuan kekuatan
untuk dapat lebih mampu mengejar asa, cita dan cinta itu

Sedih rasanya kalau demi sebuah ikatan cinta
Ada mimpi dan harapan yang harus dilipat rapih dan disimpan disudut hati
Atau yang teronggok di persimpangan jalan kesana
Tidak adil rasanya dan … sungguh bukan cinta namanya

Kalau hari ini jemariku lincah berlarian diatas tuts keyboard
Dan kalau hari ini kamu membaca buah cinta dari pikirku
Yah … juga karena aku dan kamu sedang berusaha memahami cinta kita
Varian apakah cinta kita?
Toh bukan hanya virus computer yang bisa bermetamorfosa
dan bertransformasi menjadi berbagai varian
Di zaman computer ini … patut jugalah virus cinta ini …
menginfeksi lembaran weblog-ku ini

Cintaku … masih … sedang … dan akan terus bertransformasi
Membuatku terus bermetamorfosa
Menjadi lebih baik atau lebih buruk
Itu tergantung seberapa sejati cintaku itu
Aku suka sekali untuk membantah slogan cinta kebanyakan
Bahwa … Cinta itu Buta ….
Buatku …
Cinta itu punya mata yang lebih tulus
Ia melihat dengan segenap panca indra yang dianugrahkan Tuhan

Cinta itu Pilihan
Cinta hanya memilih untuk menutup mata atas kekurangan
Mata cinta hanya memilih untuk mengabaikan
Mata cinta hanya memilih untuk memalingkan wajah
Atas hal-hal kecil mengganggu seperti kerikil dalam sepatu
Dan memutuskan untuk membuka sepatu dan mengeluarkan kerikil itu
Atau … terus saja berjalan dan menikmatinya sebagai acupressure
Toh … aku yang memilih sepatu itu
Aku yang memilih melewati jalan itu
Aku yang menorehkan jejak dengan kesakitan dalam sepatuku
Toh … waktu kupilih …. sepatu itu yang terbaik
Untuk menemaniku menapaki hariku

Cinta … Sepatu … tidak connect memang
Jangan protes aku Karena tulisan tak berujung ini
Toh kamu membacanya juga …
Salahkan saja pada cinta …
Tulisan ini lahir karena kecintaanku untuk membiarkan…
Kata-kata berseliweran bebas dalam imaginasiku
Dan kemerdekaan bagi jemariku untuk menari sepuasnya di laptop pinjaman ini

Mengisi waktu yang hampa menuju jam 10 barat dan jam 12 timur
Antara The Last King of Scotland dan kebengongan yang berjuang menaklukan kantuk

Hanya cinta yang memahami …
Untuk cinta …
Hanya untuk dia

A Song of The Moment

I am singing this song of Nikita - Pilihan Terbaikku. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1mPGWTKub8
I should thank this girl's sweet voice and the blessed song writer for this wonderful blessed song.
Getting nearer to Easter and I am meditating on how life is and how God's been working wonderfully in big or small unnoticeable way.

I'm putting the lyrics below and will translate it so my fellow friends of non-Bahasa Indonesia speaker will be blessed as well.

Pilihan Terbaikku (My Best Choice)
by Nikita

Bila Ku Renungkan               (When I Think about)
Betapa Beruntungnya Diriku  (How Lucky I am)
Ku Dapat MengenalMu         (to know YOU)
Dan Merasakan kasihMu       (and to feel YOUR love)
Bila Ku Bayangkan                (When I imagined)
Mengapa Kau Menyelamatkanku (Why YOU saved me)
Ku Bersyukur Selalu              (I am always grateful)
Kau Ada Dalam Hidupku      (YOU are in my life)
(*)
Walau Saat Ini               (Though at the moment)
Dunia Tak Mengerti       (The world cannot understand)
Mengapa Hatiku MengasihiMu (Why my heart loves YOU)
Suatu Saat Pasti Kan Terbukti  (One day it will be proven)
Kau Pilihan Terbaikku    (YOU are my best choice)

3 Quick Notes

1. Two days ago was the first time in 6 months that Simon and I went to a Family Baptism Celebration for about 1 hour without Tania. Those with baby will understand how momentous this is. Of course we returned and get the report that she cried for a bit but they are able to distracted her. Hallelujah for Aunties and Grandma! 
2. Today, I went shopping for clothes. Another momentous occasion. I have been dreading to go shopping since my postpartum body decided to grow into voluptuous shape ^_^... but family wedding day is approaching fast and I had to be prepare. Nevertheless, God is good. Despite constant teasing from Simon, which I now welcome aboard and enjoy, We manage to find a good outfit for me. YAY!!!All round applause please...
3. I got my almost waist length hair cut to above shoulder cut. My hairdresser, her assistant and several other women in the room gasp and wince when she cut my hair. She said "Don't you feel sad and depressed cutting your long hair?"... I smiled at her through the mirror and said... "Goodness, NO! A very active baby with long hair? I had enough for 6 month now. It'll grow back. Now... Make me 'human' again!" - Anyway, I'm lovin my new hair and I feel 'alive'

Don't have the picture of my newly cut hair yet but you can expect it coming... ^_^....

What We’ve learned as 6 month old parents

1. The one and ONLY thing you need in raising a child is God! The source of wisdom, the Provider, the Strength and the Centre of Joy. Trust in God even in the smallest thing like changing a diaper.
2. Money is not necessarily the biggest problem. God has been opening doors and blessings had been flowing like rivers. SO no fear when money is short and a baby is coming. See point 1 above – Trust in God and all will be well. Take our words for it… We’ve been there and certainly, God provide even before we even think of it.
3. Your husband is no longer only your lover or best friend, he is the father of your child. Never neglect him or pushed him away from the exciting adventure of caring for the baby. If the father is willing and eager to be involved, include him and learn together. There’s a precious moment to a child to see her parent as one team.
4. (If you are lucky as I am, to live close/with one) Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles , Nephews and Nieces are great aides sent from above. These are your helpline. They come all geared up with tons of genuine love for your child and a sets of willing hands to help you, either rocking or playing iwht the baby so you can get that PRECIOUS several minutes rest.
5. Get rest whenever time allowed. Caring for a baby requires lots of energy (Can I Get an AMEN Ladies) and when Mommy is cranky – baby will be fussy too. A little rest will do wonders to keep your level of sane-ness and uplift your spirit.  – Use helpline – see point 3 and 4
6. If you think motherhood is tough, try switching your point of view to the father. Fatherhood is equally tough. Just because men/husband/father didn’t go through labor pains that doesn’t mean things are easier with them. They are also entering new phase of life with new perspective, new role and new responsibility.
7. If baby is throwing tantrums, bad mood day, growth spurt or things just don’t go right,… pray and say this to yourself… “This too will pass!” --
8. Baby Bjorn, Baby Walker (and perhaps other baby stuff for you) are important tools to put baby to sleep
9. There are no such thing as “She has too many pictures or video al ready”. Later in her years those snapshots will be the gems. You’ll find time to laugh and smile at them.
10. All those fancy  (read: Expensive) baby stuff, baby toys, baby clothes and baby utensils  are not necessary. Baby don’t care about brand names or how cool they look. They need good diapers, clean clothes and lots and lots of love – As for clothing, they’ll grow out of it in a blink
11. I find that having a baby give you more time and opportunity to have intimate time with God. Those long (lonely) nights of breastfeeding are my perfect time to chat  with God, to give thanks, to cry, to think and to listen, and most of all just to realize how blessed I am to be God’s partner in raising this beautiful gift in my arms. – (later then of course I will update my status on Facebook before going back to sleep)
12. Seeing Tania relies on us for her every single need, for love, for comfort and for protection enable me to understand my/our relationship with God. We call God, Our Father (Please no gender comments – let’s see this as a figurative language not about the patrimonial figure but rather a set of parents figure in one as a metaphor for parent-child relationship of God and us). Thus as parent and child relationship, I/we rely on God for our every need, eben the smallest one. Dear God, How on earth do I not praise you in my every breath, if like a child, I am dependent on You. You have thought of what I need and provide them on time. Verily God, You are amazing and I am humbled to find God who sees me as a child of Your own.
13. Be informed and be wise. Parenthood is not just tradition, habits and old-wives tale. You will get many advices – medically, spiritually or traditionally. Take them all aboard and use wisdom to go though them. We are new parent. They have has grown up, healthy and successful kids. So they do know a thing or two about raising a child. And YES, you don’t STUDY how to raise a child from a BOOK. But reading enables us to put sense to the advices whether it is beneficial for the baby medically, emotionally and physically. Some advices will be plain nonsense and dangerous but so many other traditional advices are proven helpful.
14. Baby sweat is the sweetest smell …. Hehehehehehe
15. The world is suddenly more exciting and full of new discoveries when we see it from our baby eyes – Discovering different smell, learn to sync hand and eye coordination to grab objects, learn to swallow your first food and how it taste etc
16. Be thankful for cicles of Momies – if you don’t have one, create one or join one. I am thankful for my many circles of Mommies those I met in real life and those I meet on internet. - - Circle of Mommies in Brighton, Circle of Ninety-Niners Mommies, Circle of Facebook Bible Study Mommies.
17. And of course, both Simon and I, are ever so thankful for our great parents. Being a parents ourselves, help us to understand, respect, and love our parents more. They have sacrificed a lot to get us to this time and state.

Trust me my initial list is actually longer and the list grow longer by the minutes. ^_^… But here’s is my sharing, may it be a blessing to those who reads – esp my fellow new mommies….

A letter to my better-half

Dear my boyfriend (still),

We had an awesome 3 years of marriage on our hand now.

Not yet as many as our parents but we give thanks for each passing year.

But we’re also dating each other for 10 years and will still continue to do so.

Thank you for these 3 and 10 years.

We have ride the wind hand in hand high and low

We fall and we bruised

But we get up and soar again.

We have done our best to be the wind in each other’s wings

So we may fly and reach the sky

Thank you, I have flown high and you have been the anchor and the solid ground I stand.

Thus, I don’t fly too high and get lost but stay rooted and remember who I really am.

We both have our weakness and strength

In 3 years of marriage and 10 years of dating

We have learned to work in-tune with each other

We have learned to understand, accept, respect and love each other

We have been together in each other weakest point and also in our strongest point

And now as we have been trusted with our bundle of joy, Tania.

I can’t say anything else, I thank God everyday for a great man as you are.

My wonderful husband and boyfriend,

My best friend and partner

The father of my child and the better-half of me

Thank you for always treating me lovingly (I’ll do my best on my part too)

Thank you for trusting me and believing in me

Thank you for loving my family as your own

Thank you for putting our love and life in God’s hand

Thank you for the fun, crazy and adventurous thing we’ve done together (and more to come)

Thank you for the best head and shoulder massage (available every time with/without request)

Thank you for caring for me during pregnancy (your wits help me survived)

Thank you for holding my hand on the delivery  room when Tania came to this world (actually, allowed your hand to be squeezed so hard by me to the point of bruising)  

Thank you for a hands-on, ever so ready and willing help in those first day of parent hood (thank you to Internet and bunch of friends and family on facebook for the tips and advices)

Thank you for not reside in being “Man-ly” and always there for me as we together care for Tania. Unlike any man or other father I know for sure.

You have shown me and Tania what a great man is made of.

 Hope one day she’ll be as blessed and as lucky as I am to find a man like you

Thank you for so many different things. I would like to say more but the list will go on and on

So I’m ending it with the most important thing

Thank you for choosing me…

Note on My Birthday

So I have another birthday. Another Year passed and many more years to fill with love and adventure.
Yes, I am now the big 3-0. Phew... that's a big number. I have been blessed abundantly, beyond my imagination and I am thanking God for all His love and grace.I am thanking my mom and dad for they have done one-hell-of-a-great job raising me, educating me and help me finding my own way. Imagine if they decided to ditch me even before i was born, or raise me badly. I can't imagine the result. But all in all, I know God has written each one of us a beautiful plan of life.

I had a wonderful birthday. This is rather an important milestones. As I said before, I'm in the big 3-0.
I had a wonderful early birthday surprise from my better-half (Thanks Honey. You're the best!)
My mom-in-law cook me a very special but sophisticated vegetable dish that took her hours to finish, plus baking me a roll-cake. I am so touched.
A funny, "it-happend-again" Birthday incident with my Mom... hehehehe...
Plus, My students gave me surprise gifts. Awww... thank so very much to Sally, Nenny, Doory, Christ and Berry. being with you is already a gift for me.

I woke up on Feb 14th, thinking what a rich person I am. I have countless Birthday greetings and many people who sends their love and blessing on my birthday. I have 2 families who love me unconditionally. Friends and family around the world. But I found my precious gift of all, lying next to me as I opened my eyes every morning. My better-half, Simon and our baby Tania. Thank you God for this wonderful life.

God according to Tania

I chatted with my baby girl, Tania, just few minutes ago. She's 7 weeks old now.
Praise God, she grows in wonders day by day. She is actively trying to engage and interact with us.
She can recognize both Simon and I and we are always awarded with her smiles and chuckles.
We both enjoy chatting with her. We will talk to her and she will coos, chuckles and smiles.
Just now, we are both alone and we busily chat about anything and nothing at all.

I asked her, "Do you still remember how God look like? Can You tell me how God looks like?"
She grins and pointed her fist at me... then chuckles again...

Indeed, She reminds me that my life is no longer mine and not only me... it is Jesus who live within me...
I have receive the grace of God who give His only Son to die for me... so my life is an adventure to let others to see God in me. Everyday of my life, just like Tania, is growing and learning to be more like Jesus.
For I am an Open Letter where everyone can read and realize how wonderful is to live with God. Thus I need to walk my life by the Word of God... I am not perfect but in Him I am made perfect only by His grace. Praise only be to God.

Today

Ever woke up feeling so low, mucky, unmotivated and feels like everything in the world is so wrong and has gone wrong?.... sigh... There are those days...I'm having one of them today that even praying felt so distance thing to do. I typed a suited word on my Facebook status and seconds later, my friends painted a smile on my face with their comments. Please, don't judge me for changing my Facebook status first instead of praying. I believe God spoke and relate to us in different ways and forms. It's His way of telling me it's OK to be low sometimes and reminding me that He is always with me. He has put those angels, my friends, whose comments made me smile - A blessed smile.

So here's a poem by Harriet Jenereaux, Merigomish, NS as my prayer and may it be your prayer too this morning. Thank you Jesus for a blessed Sunday Morning.

We do not know the future and we cannot change the past. Today is all we know about and it surely doesn't last. But while I have today, well, at least I have this minute, I want to take the time, Lord, to make sure that You are in it. I really want to thank you For the little things You do. The things I take for granted, For the forests that You've planted. The sky so blue, or grey or pink, These are things of which I seldom think. The grass in summer, such a pretty green So close it usually goes unseen. The flowers blowing in the fields The wind, to which each flower yields. The snow in winter, that covers our land Thy Word tells us each season's planned. Springtime is fresh with all things new And Autumn gives us a land of every hue. There is so much that You keep on giving, Family and friends and a life that's worth living. You've given me so much wealth And you top it off with my good health. But I must not forget to thank Thee today, For giving me a land where I'm free to pray, And a Bible to read and a church to attend. For these, I am thankful and will to the end And as always from deep within I want to thank You for atoning my sin. That sin would have doomed me to a Christless hell, But You bore it for me and You want me to tell So today I thank You, for a voice to speak, A computer to write on and people to seek. I thank Thee I was born in such an age That Your truth is freely on the printed page. There seems to be so many things That the more I think, my heart just sings. So I'll close my prayer today With "May these thoughts never go away".

Repost from my Old Blog

Photo from http://www.aswellas.co.nz/article.cfm?id=26

I am reading my old writings in my old blog in Friendster. Those writings made me smile, laugh, shed tears and inspire me. It's some sort of an introspection and a reminder of how God has been in my life. I must admit, after giving birth I thought I develop Agoraphobia... lol ^_^... Hehehehe... Don't worry it's not that serious. It is just a phase of adjusting to the new rhythms of life with Tania presence. Of course in the beginning, my body is recuperating but then it's a matter of how different it is now for us to go out. No longer I can pull up my boots or sneakers and head out. No longer can I go on with "No Plan is a good plan" scheme. I need to prepare Tania's this and that. Plus plan my route so if Tania wants to feed I know a place where I can breastfeed her. Then it's the matter of newbie to breastfeeding let alone breastfeeding in public place. Anyway, After 1 month now plus Simon's help in everything. I started to get the hang of things.
Now, let's get back to my old blog. I found this entry I posted in May 2006 on PMS - Pre-Menstrual Syndrom. It brought smile to me for I have been on the other side of my post. I Thank God that all turned out to be well. Tania is here... and everything happen in God's own time. So without further ado... here's the post

-------------------

PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrom)

May 26, 2006 by helenahelena

 

Last night, there was an earthquake. Quite hard, 7.5 Richter scale. Everybody ran out. I did too but after all is calm, I went back to sleep. My mother, father and other neighbor were still outside. This morning I woke up groggy and moody. I think it's because I cannot contact Simon last night. But on top of all I think its my PMS acting out.

Speaking of PMS, I have to admit that I hate to undergo that every month pain and emotional-abnormality but today I tried to think from a different perspective. 

If every month I encountered it with such hateful way.

I must be grateful and remember that...

There are women who beg the Lord to to gave them one,

even the most painful one they are willing to bear

Therefore, there will never be a baby born from her womb

without father or before marriage vows is said

If I wish I never have one all my life

I must be grateful and remember that... 

There are women impatiently waiting for years

For the monthly blessing to stop

Therefore they can joyously tell their husband

Of the new life that is on his/her way.

Oh Lord. Sometimes life is complicated but life is to be bear patiently. 

I’m thankful now that I still had my PMS

Therefore I don’t have to go panic

Because the pregnancy test turn double pink strip

And when my time comes

I wish it stop at the right time

For me to embrace the new life

Trusted on me to care.

 ---

The Birth of Mother and Father

"The moment a child is born, the mother (and the father) is also born. 

She (and he) never existed before. 

The woman (and the man) existed, but the mother (and the father), never. 

A mother (and a father) is something absolutely new."

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - And I add the "father" part

Where should I begin? No words could ever describe this exuberance feeling I have at the moment. My baby Tania is 1 month old already. I thank God that she continues to be the Joy for every new day. It is incredible that only a little bit over 1 month ago I was this big walking light bulb shaped person. It is amazing how my little baby is now growing that she outgrown her clothes already. And it is (still) hard to believe that Simon and I are parents... A mother and a father. Surreal!!!

It all started in 08/09/10 ... They called is "Tanggal Cantik" - Beautiful date (formation). Whatever it is, that date marked a new milestone in the life both Simon's and mine. I love the caption that Simon put in one of the photo in Tania's Photo Folder, "The last dusk for the two.. a new beginning for three". It was a picture of a sun coming down above Brighton Pier and Brighton City taken from the window of my delivery room. Indeed, it was a new beginning.

Being a new parent... having a newborn babies entering your life is both exhilarating and frightening. No longer would I only think of myself and my husband. Somehow, I have to balance me, my husband and our baby. I am entering a world where I have no adequate knowledge and know-how. I am face to face with another human being with limited ability to communicate and I have to make sure I take her cues to fulfill her needs. I read the above quotes about the birth of a mother. I love it. I think it really describe what I felt about motherhood. When I was pregnant, I fancy the idea of being a mother, grinning at the addition to my name as
my friend called me "Mak Peanut or Mummy Peanut" (pssst... Tania was lovingly nicknamed Peanut when she was still in my womb). But it was never until I witness her arrival in the world that the word "mother" embraced me in its full sense. I have always been there, a daughter, a girl, a woman, a sister etc. These attributes are attached to me and I don't have to struggle to fit in their shoes. But being a mother is a matter of being born again.

As Christian, the term "born again" is usually use to describe those who attend pentecostal or evangelist churches. Now, I do not want to debate and going all out on the lecture of "Born again Christians" and those who do not attribute themselves to this term. Born-Again Chritian is someone who made a decision to solemnly put his/her trusts in the resurrected Jesus for forgiveness of their personal sin and lives their life in obedience to the laws of God’s kingdom. They have, in effect, been born again of the Holy Spirit. Ongoing submission to the Holy Spirit in their life enables Christians to live their lives as God wants. This decision is cemented in (adult) Baptism. So the emphasis of baptism is not only on the symbolic acts of water sprinkled over your head or being submerged from the water or the cross sign made by the priest but on the act of conscious decision. A decision I made to realize my wrongs, turn to follow the right path and surrender myself in God through Jesus Christ. Therefore, I am being born again by the Grace of God through the Son Jesus Christ. I am being born with new attitude towards life and with a new faith that my life is no longer mine but it is God and Jesus within me. - Note: being born again doesn't mean that we are saint and better than others - Being born again means living in ongoing, constant and continuous relationship with God, thus we do our best as human to walk in the path of the righteousness and to know that God is only a prayer away.

So being a mother is also being born again. A brand new person with new attitudes, new daily routines perhaps new principles and a mountain of new skills to learn and master. Breastfeeding, nappy change, burping, lullabies etc etc etc etc...After 1 month, I think I now started to get the hang of everything. Thank you to my friends, my sisters and my family for their support in my first days (and week) of my motherhood. Being a mother also draws me even closer to God. There's that feeling of being God's partner in bringing up this little human being. I fully believe that just as my life is, My baby's life has also been planned by God and I am working with God to raise her according to God's will. Psalm 139: 13-16 said, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

Anyway, I was enjoying the joy (and pain and struggle) of motherhood when I realize one very important thing that was missing from the quote I put above. Where is the father? Why they only mention mother? I watched my husband that day as he took the wet laundry out to dry in the sun and then came back in to neatly fold the dry ones. O My Lord how very selfish we are to bathe ourselves in glory of being a mother and slightly put a side the role of a father. The day Tania, our baby girl, was born... It wasn't only a mother that was born... father too. He is also totally new to this role and somehow never really sure where to fit in the limbo of pregnancy and giving birth that is so "exclusively" dominated by us women. 

He is half of this new human being. God created her, half of him and half of me. Therefore, we are equal. None of us is more important than others. I remember posting a comment on Adit's notes entry the other day about this man-woman relationship. I said "Man and woman needs each other. None of them are better than the other. I think we should ditch the use of degree of comparison in man-woman relationship. Nobody is "better than..." or "the best of...". We are created special with different qualities and capabilities that completed each other." - 

Most of the time when we visited newborn, we tend to give our attention to the baby and the mother. We coo at the baby, hug the mother, share the feeling sorry of their pain and share their joy of doing their job so well done. Then we turn to the father and congratulate him and told him to take good care of them. He will sat in one of the chair, sometimes in the corner or maybe he went outside to smoke while everyone circle around the mother and the baby. In this picture father is a complimentary additional objects. Not fully incorporated in the scene. which is a pity because Mums aren't the only ones who suffer emotional and physical meltdown when they're faced with first-time parenthood. Being a new Dad can be very stressful too. Simon was with me through out my labour and the birth of Tania. During my labour, he was there holding my hand, rubbing my back and being squeezed real hard when contraction hit hard. We are fortunate  for being in England, Fathers are encourage to be with the wife through out the process. In Indonesia, usually father waited outside, fidgeting while listening of his wife screaming, midwife instruction and then baby cry. Father's are being brushed aside because this is none of male's business. Women took over from here please...! *~*... As man, you stay outside and fulfill your duty to pay the hospital fee, earn enough to meet all mother's and baby need, understand mother's fragile feeling, help with the baby etc etc etc... Suddenly, we exclusively glorify woman in motherhood and neglected father in their early fatherhood too. Their role sometimes reduced to sperm donor, bodyguard, walking ATM machine, private driver, personal photographer and so on. Never in full recognition within "Motherhood".

Therefore, in recognition of my husband's role as husband, best friend, lover and father of my child, I add the word father to the quote. As the day a Mother is born, a Father is born too. Together, they should be the pair of wing which the child will fly high. Both wings are equal, strong, supportive and work in unison with each other. None is more important. None is better than the other. Indeed, it's a new beginning for three (or maybe four later)


- A big thank you and love to Simon - for his love and support. You are the best husband and the best father in the world -