Sunday, October 31, 2010

God according to Tania

I chatted with my baby girl, Tania, just few minutes ago. She's 7 weeks old now.
Praise God, she grows in wonders day by day. She is actively trying to engage and interact with us.
She can recognize both Simon and I and we are always awarded with her smiles and chuckles.
We both enjoy chatting with her. We will talk to her and she will coos, chuckles and smiles.
Just now, we are both alone and we busily chat about anything and nothing at all.

I asked her, "Do you still remember how God look like? Can You tell me how God looks like?"
She grins and pointed her fist at me... then chuckles again...

Indeed, She reminds me that my life is no longer mine and not only me... it is Jesus who live within me...
I have receive the grace of God who give His only Son to die for me... so my life is an adventure to let others to see God in me. Everyday of my life, just like Tania, is growing and learning to be more like Jesus.
For I am an Open Letter where everyone can read and realize how wonderful is to live with God. Thus I need to walk my life by the Word of God... I am not perfect but in Him I am made perfect only by His grace. Praise only be to God.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Ever woke up feeling so low, mucky, unmotivated and feels like everything in the world is so wrong and has gone wrong?.... sigh... There are those days...I'm having one of them today that even praying felt so distance thing to do. I typed a suited word on my Facebook status and seconds later, my friends painted a smile on my face with their comments. Please, don't judge me for changing my Facebook status first instead of praying. I believe God spoke and relate to us in different ways and forms. It's His way of telling me it's OK to be low sometimes and reminding me that He is always with me. He has put those angels, my friends, whose comments made me smile - A blessed smile.

So here's a poem by Harriet Jenereaux, Merigomish, NS as my prayer and may it be your prayer too this morning. Thank you Jesus for a blessed Sunday Morning.

We do not know the future and we cannot change the past. Today is all we know about and it surely doesn't last. But while I have today, well, at least I have this minute, I want to take the time, Lord, to make sure that You are in it. I really want to thank you For the little things You do. The things I take for granted, For the forests that You've planted. The sky so blue, or grey or pink, These are things of which I seldom think. The grass in summer, such a pretty green So close it usually goes unseen. The flowers blowing in the fields The wind, to which each flower yields. The snow in winter, that covers our land Thy Word tells us each season's planned. Springtime is fresh with all things new And Autumn gives us a land of every hue. There is so much that You keep on giving, Family and friends and a life that's worth living. You've given me so much wealth And you top it off with my good health. But I must not forget to thank Thee today, For giving me a land where I'm free to pray, And a Bible to read and a church to attend. For these, I am thankful and will to the end And as always from deep within I want to thank You for atoning my sin. That sin would have doomed me to a Christless hell, But You bore it for me and You want me to tell So today I thank You, for a voice to speak, A computer to write on and people to seek. I thank Thee I was born in such an age That Your truth is freely on the printed page. There seems to be so many things That the more I think, my heart just sings. So I'll close my prayer today With "May these thoughts never go away".

Friday, October 15, 2010

Repost from my Old Blog

Photo from

I am reading my old writings in my old blog in Friendster. Those writings made me smile, laugh, shed tears and inspire me. It's some sort of an introspection and a reminder of how God has been in my life. I must admit, after giving birth I thought I develop Agoraphobia... lol ^_^... Hehehehe... Don't worry it's not that serious. It is just a phase of adjusting to the new rhythms of life with Tania presence. Of course in the beginning, my body is recuperating but then it's a matter of how different it is now for us to go out. No longer I can pull up my boots or sneakers and head out. No longer can I go on with "No Plan is a good plan" scheme. I need to prepare Tania's this and that. Plus plan my route so if Tania wants to feed I know a place where I can breastfeed her. Then it's the matter of newbie to breastfeeding let alone breastfeeding in public place. Anyway, After 1 month now plus Simon's help in everything. I started to get the hang of things.
Now, let's get back to my old blog. I found this entry I posted in May 2006 on PMS - Pre-Menstrual Syndrom. It brought smile to me for I have been on the other side of my post. I Thank God that all turned out to be well. Tania is here... and everything happen in God's own time. So without further ado... here's the post


Last night, there was an earthquake. Quite hard, 7.5 Richter scale. Everybody ran out. I did too but after all is calm, I went back to sleep. My mother, father and other neighbor were still outside. This morning I woke up groggy and moody. I think it's because I cannot contact Simon last night. But on top of all I think its my PMS acting out.

Speaking of PMS, I have to admit that I hate to undergo that every month pain and emotional-abnormality but today I tried to think from a different perspective. 

If every month I encountered it with such hateful way.
I must be grateful and remember that...
There are women who beg the Lord to to gave them one,
even the most painful one they are willing to bear
Therefore, there will never be a baby born from her womb
without father or before marriage vows is said

If I wish I never have one all my life
I must be grateful and remember that... 
There are women impatiently waiting for years
For the monthly blessing to stop
Therefore they can joyously tell their husband
Of the new life that is on his/her way.

Oh Lord. Sometimes life is complicated but life is to be bear patiently. 

I’m thankful now that I still had my PMS
Therefore I don’t have to go panic
Because the pregnancy test turn double pink strip
And when my time comes
I wish it stop at the right time
For me to embrace the new life
Trusted on me to care.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Birth of Mother and Father

"The moment a child is born, the mother (and the father) is also born. 
She (and he) never existed before. 
The woman (and the man) existed, but the mother (and the father), never. 
A mother (and a father) is something absolutely new."
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - And I add the "father" part

Where should I begin? No words could ever describe this exuberance feeling I have at the moment. My baby Tania is 1 month old already. I thank God that she continues to be the Joy for every new day. It is incredible that only a little bit over 1 month ago I was this big walking light bulb shaped person. It is amazing how my little baby is now growing that she outgrown her clothes already. And it is (still) hard to believe that Simon and I are parents... A mother and a father. Surreal!!!

It all started in 08/09/10 ... They called is "Tanggal Cantik" - Beautiful date (formation). Whatever it is, that date marked a new milestone in the life both Simon's and mine. I love the caption that Simon put in one of the photo in Tania's Photo Folder, "The last dusk for the two.. a new beginning for three". It was a picture of a sun coming down above Brighton Pier and Brighton City taken from the window of my delivery room. Indeed, it was a new beginning.

Being a new parent... having a newborn babies entering your life is both exhilarating and frightening. No longer would I only think of myself and my husband. Somehow, I have to balance me, my husband and our baby. I am entering a world where I have no adequate knowledge and know-how. I am face to face with another human being with limited ability to communicate and I have to make sure I take her cues to fulfill her needs. I read the above quotes about the birth of a mother. I love it. I think it really describe what I felt about motherhood. When I was pregnant, I fancy the idea of being a mother, grinning at the addition to my name as
my friend called me "Mak Peanut or Mummy Peanut" (pssst... Tania was lovingly nicknamed Peanut when she was still in my womb). But it was never until I witness her arrival in the world that the word "mother" embraced me in its full sense. I have always been there, a daughter, a girl, a woman, a sister etc. These attributes are attached to me and I don't have to struggle to fit in their shoes. But being a mother is a matter of being born again.

As Christian, the term "born again" is usually use to describe those who attend pentecostal or evangelist churches. Now, I do not want to debate and going all out on the lecture of "Born again Christians" and those who do not attribute themselves to this term. Born-Again Chritian is someone who made a decision to solemnly put his/her trusts in the resurrected Jesus for forgiveness of their personal sin and lives their life in obedience to the laws of God’s kingdom. They have, in effect, been born again of the Holy Spirit. Ongoing submission to the Holy Spirit in their life enables Christians to live their lives as God wants. This decision is cemented in (adult) Baptism. So the emphasis of baptism is not only on the symbolic acts of water sprinkled over your head or being submerged from the water or the cross sign made by the priest but on the act of conscious decision. A decision I made to realize my wrongs, turn to follow the right path and surrender myself in God through Jesus Christ. Therefore, I am being born again by the Grace of God through the Son Jesus Christ. I am being born with new attitude towards life and with a new faith that my life is no longer mine but it is God and Jesus within me. - Note: being born again doesn't mean that we are saint and better than others - Being born again means living in ongoing, constant and continuous relationship with God, thus we do our best as human to walk in the path of the righteousness and to know that God is only a prayer away.

So being a mother is also being born again. A brand new person with new attitudes, new daily routines perhaps new principles and a mountain of new skills to learn and master. Breastfeeding, nappy change, burping, lullabies etc etc etc etc...After 1 month, I think I now started to get the hang of everything. Thank you to my friends, my sisters and my family for their support in my first days (and week) of my motherhood. Being a mother also draws me even closer to God. There's that feeling of being God's partner in bringing up this little human being. I fully believe that just as my life is, My baby's life has also been planned by God and I am working with God to raise her according to God's will. Psalm 139: 13-16 said, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

Anyway, I was enjoying the joy (and pain and struggle) of motherhood when I realize one very important thing that was missing from the quote I put above. Where is the father? Why they only mention mother? I watched my husband that day as he took the wet laundry out to dry in the sun and then came back in to neatly fold the dry ones. O My Lord how very selfish we are to bathe ourselves in glory of being a mother and slightly put a side the role of a father. The day Tania, our baby girl, was born... It wasn't only a mother that was born... father too. He is also totally new to this role and somehow never really sure where to fit in the limbo of pregnancy and giving birth that is so "exclusively" dominated by us women. 

He is half of this new human being. God created her, half of him and half of me. Therefore, we are equal. None of us is more important than others. I remember posting a comment on Adit's notes entry the other day about this man-woman relationship. I said "Man and woman needs each other. None of them are better than the other. I think we should ditch the use of degree of comparison in man-woman relationship. Nobody is "better than..." or "the best of...". We are created special with different qualities and capabilities that completed each other." - 

Most of the time when we visited newborn, we tend to give our attention to the baby and the mother. We coo at the baby, hug the mother, share the feeling sorry of their pain and share their joy of doing their job so well done. Then we turn to the father and congratulate him and told him to take good care of them. He will sat in one of the chair, sometimes in the corner or maybe he went outside to smoke while everyone circle around the mother and the baby. In this picture father is a complimentary additional objects. Not fully incorporated in the scene. which is a pity because Mums aren't the only ones who suffer emotional and physical meltdown when they're faced with first-time parenthood. Being a new Dad can be very stressful too. Simon was with me through out my labour and the birth of Tania. During my labour, he was there holding my hand, rubbing my back and being squeezed real hard when contraction hit hard. We are fortunate  for being in England, Fathers are encourage to be with the wife through out the process. In Indonesia, usually father waited outside, fidgeting while listening of his wife screaming, midwife instruction and then baby cry. Father's are being brushed aside because this is none of male's business. Women took over from here please...! *~*... As man, you stay outside and fulfill your duty to pay the hospital fee, earn enough to meet all mother's and baby need, understand mother's fragile feeling, help with the baby etc etc etc... Suddenly, we exclusively glorify woman in motherhood and neglected father in their early fatherhood too. Their role sometimes reduced to sperm donor, bodyguard, walking ATM machine, private driver, personal photographer and so on. Never in full recognition within "Motherhood".

Therefore, in recognition of my husband's role as husband, best friend, lover and father of my child, I add the word father to the quote. As the day a Mother is born, a Father is born too. Together, they should be the pair of wing which the child will fly high. Both wings are equal, strong, supportive and work in unison with each other. None is more important. None is better than the other. Indeed, it's a new beginning for three (or maybe four later)

- A big thank you and love to Simon - for his love and support. You are the best husband and the best father in the world -