"The moment a child is born, the mother (and the father) is also born.
She (and he) never existed before.
The woman (and the man) existed, but the mother (and the father), never.
A mother (and a father) is something absolutely new."
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - And I add the "father" part
It all started in 08/09/10 ... They called is "Tanggal Cantik" - Beautiful date (formation). Whatever it is, that date marked a new milestone in the life both Simon's and mine. I love the caption that Simon put in one of the photo in Tania's Photo Folder, "The last dusk for the two.. a new beginning for three". It was a picture of a sun coming down above Brighton Pier and Brighton City taken from the window of my delivery room. Indeed, it was a new beginning.
Being a new parent... having a newborn babies entering your life is both exhilarating and frightening. No longer would I only think of myself and my husband. Somehow, I have to balance me, my husband and our baby. I am entering a world where I have no adequate knowledge and know-how. I am face to face with another human being with limited ability to communicate and I have to make sure I take her cues to fulfill her needs. I read the above quotes about the birth of a mother. I love it. I think it really describe what I felt about motherhood. When I was pregnant, I fancy the idea of being a mother, grinning at the addition to my name as
my friend called me "Mak Peanut or Mummy Peanut" (pssst... Tania was lovingly nicknamed Peanut when she was still in my womb). But it was never until I witness her arrival in the world that the word "mother" embraced me in its full sense. I have always been there, a daughter, a girl, a woman, a sister etc. These attributes are attached to me and I don't have to struggle to fit in their shoes. But being a mother is a matter of being born again.
As Christian, the term "born again" is usually use to describe those who attend pentecostal or evangelist churches. Now, I do not want to debate and going all out on the lecture of "Born again Christians" and those who do not attribute themselves to this term. Born-Again Chritian is someone who made a decision to solemnly put his/her trusts in the resurrected Jesus for forgiveness of their personal sin and lives their life in obedience to the laws of God’s kingdom. They have, in effect, been born again of the Holy Spirit. Ongoing submission to the Holy Spirit in their life enables Christians to live their lives as God wants. This decision is cemented in (adult) Baptism. So the emphasis of baptism is not only on the symbolic acts of water sprinkled over your head or being submerged from the water or the cross sign made by the priest but on the act of conscious decision. A decision I made to realize my wrongs, turn to follow the right path and surrender myself in God through Jesus Christ. Therefore, I am being born again by the Grace of God through the Son Jesus Christ. I am being born with new attitude towards life and with a new faith that my life is no longer mine but it is God and Jesus within me. - Note: being born again doesn't mean that we are saint and better than others - Being born again means living in ongoing, constant and continuous relationship with God, thus we do our best as human to walk in the path of the righteousness and to know that God is only a prayer away.
So being a mother is also being born again. A brand new person with new attitudes, new daily routines perhaps new principles and a mountain of new skills to learn and master. Breastfeeding, nappy change, burping, lullabies etc etc etc etc...After 1 month, I think I now started to get the hang of everything. Thank you to my friends, my sisters and my family for their support in my first days (and week) of my motherhood. Being a mother also draws me even closer to God. There's that feeling of being God's partner in bringing up this little human being. I fully believe that just as my life is, My baby's life has also been planned by God and I am working with God to raise her according to God's will. Psalm 139: 13-16 said, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
Anyway, I was enjoying the joy (and pain and struggle) of motherhood when I realize one very important thing that was missing from the quote I put above. Where is the father? Why they only mention mother? I watched my husband that day as he took the wet laundry out to dry in the sun and then came back in to neatly fold the dry ones. O My Lord how very selfish we are to bathe ourselves in glory of being a mother and slightly put a side the role of a father. The day Tania, our baby girl, was born... It wasn't only a mother that was born... father too. He is also totally new to this role and somehow never really sure where to fit in the limbo of pregnancy and giving birth that is so "exclusively" dominated by us women.
He is half of this new human being. God created her, half of him and half of me. Therefore, we are equal. None of us is more important than others. I remember posting a comment on Adit's notes entry the other day about this man-woman relationship. I said "Man and woman needs each other. None of them are better than the other. I think we should ditch the use of degree of comparison in man-woman relationship. Nobody is "better than..." or "the best of...". We are created special with different qualities and capabilities that completed each other." -
Most of the time when we visited newborn, we tend to give our attention to the baby and the mother. We coo at the baby, hug the mother, share the feeling sorry of their pain and share their joy of doing their job so well done. Then we turn to the father and congratulate him and told him to take good care of them. He will sat in one of the chair, sometimes in the corner or maybe he went outside to smoke while everyone circle around the mother and the baby. In this picture father is a complimentary additional objects. Not fully incorporated in the scene. which is a pity because Mums aren't the only ones who suffer emotional and physical meltdown when they're faced with first-time parenthood. Being a new Dad can be very stressful too. Simon was with me through out my labour and the birth of Tania. During my labour, he was there holding my hand, rubbing my back and being squeezed real hard when contraction hit hard. We are fortunate for being in England, Fathers are encourage to be with the wife through out the process. In Indonesia, usually father waited outside, fidgeting while listening of his wife screaming, midwife instruction and then baby cry. Father's are being brushed aside because this is none of male's business. Women took over from here please...! *~*... As man, you stay outside and fulfill your duty to pay the hospital fee, earn enough to meet all mother's and baby need, understand mother's fragile feeling, help with the baby etc etc etc... Suddenly, we exclusively glorify woman in motherhood and neglected father in their early fatherhood too. Their role sometimes reduced to sperm donor, bodyguard, walking ATM machine, private driver, personal photographer and so on. Never in full recognition within "Motherhood".
Therefore, in recognition of my husband's role as husband, best friend, lover and father of my child, I add the word father to the quote. As the day a Mother is born, a Father is born too. Together, they should be the pair of wing which the child will fly high. Both wings are equal, strong, supportive and work in unison with each other. None is more important. None is better than the other. Indeed, it's a new beginning for three (or maybe four later)
- A big thank you and love to Simon - for his love and support. You are the best husband and the best father in the world -
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