Sunday, October 31, 2010

God according to Tania

I chatted with my baby girl, Tania, just few minutes ago. She's 7 weeks old now.
Praise God, she grows in wonders day by day. She is actively trying to engage and interact with us.
She can recognize both Simon and I and we are always awarded with her smiles and chuckles.
We both enjoy chatting with her. We will talk to her and she will coos, chuckles and smiles.
Just now, we are both alone and we busily chat about anything and nothing at all.

I asked her, "Do you still remember how God look like? Can You tell me how God looks like?"
She grins and pointed her fist at me... then chuckles again...

Indeed, She reminds me that my life is no longer mine and not only me... it is Jesus who live within me...
I have receive the grace of God who give His only Son to die for me... so my life is an adventure to let others to see God in me. Everyday of my life, just like Tania, is growing and learning to be more like Jesus.
For I am an Open Letter where everyone can read and realize how wonderful is to live with God. Thus I need to walk my life by the Word of God... I am not perfect but in Him I am made perfect only by His grace. Praise only be to God.

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Ever woke up feeling so low, mucky, unmotivated and feels like everything in the world is so wrong and has gone wrong?.... sigh... There are those days...I'm having one of them today that even praying felt so distance thing to do. I typed a suited word on my Facebook status and seconds later, my friends painted a smile on my face with their comments. Please, don't judge me for changing my Facebook status first instead of praying. I believe God spoke and relate to us in different ways and forms. It's His way of telling me it's OK to be low sometimes and reminding me that He is always with me. He has put those angels, my friends, whose comments made me smile - A blessed smile.

So here's a poem by Harriet Jenereaux, Merigomish, NS as my prayer and may it be your prayer too this morning. Thank you Jesus for a blessed Sunday Morning.

We do not know the future and we cannot change the past. Today is all we know about and it surely doesn't last. But while I have today, well, at least I have this minute, I want to take the time, Lord, to make sure that You are in it. I really want to thank you For the little things You do. The things I take for granted, For the forests that You've planted. The sky so blue, or grey or pink, These are things of which I seldom think. The grass in summer, such a pretty green So close it usually goes unseen. The flowers blowing in the fields The wind, to which each flower yields. The snow in winter, that covers our land Thy Word tells us each season's planned. Springtime is fresh with all things new And Autumn gives us a land of every hue. There is so much that You keep on giving, Family and friends and a life that's worth living. You've given me so much wealth And you top it off with my good health. But I must not forget to thank Thee today, For giving me a land where I'm free to pray, And a Bible to read and a church to attend. For these, I am thankful and will to the end And as always from deep within I want to thank You for atoning my sin. That sin would have doomed me to a Christless hell, But You bore it for me and You want me to tell So today I thank You, for a voice to speak, A computer to write on and people to seek. I thank Thee I was born in such an age That Your truth is freely on the printed page. There seems to be so many things That the more I think, my heart just sings. So I'll close my prayer today With "May these thoughts never go away".

Friday, October 15, 2010

Repost from my Old Blog

Photo from

I am reading my old writings in my old blog in Friendster. Those writings made me smile, laugh, shed tears and inspire me. It's some sort of an introspection and a reminder of how God has been in my life. I must admit, after giving birth I thought I develop Agoraphobia... lol ^_^... Hehehehe... Don't worry it's not that serious. It is just a phase of adjusting to the new rhythms of life with Tania presence. Of course in the beginning, my body is recuperating but then it's a matter of how different it is now for us to go out. No longer I can pull up my boots or sneakers and head out. No longer can I go on with "No Plan is a good plan" scheme. I need to prepare Tania's this and that. Plus plan my route so if Tania wants to feed I know a place where I can breastfeed her. Then it's the matter of newbie to breastfeeding let alone breastfeeding in public place. Anyway, After 1 month now plus Simon's help in everything. I started to get the hang of things.
Now, let's get back to my old blog. I found this entry I posted in May 2006 on PMS - Pre-Menstrual Syndrom. It brought smile to me for I have been on the other side of my post. I Thank God that all turned out to be well. Tania is here... and everything happen in God's own time. So without further ado... here's the post


Last night, there was an earthquake. Quite hard, 7.5 Richter scale. Everybody ran out. I did too but after all is calm, I went back to sleep. My mother, father and other neighbor were still outside. This morning I woke up groggy and moody. I think it's because I cannot contact Simon last night. But on top of all I think its my PMS acting out.

Speaking of PMS, I have to admit that I hate to undergo that every month pain and emotional-abnormality but today I tried to think from a different perspective. 

If every month I encountered it with such hateful way.
I must be grateful and remember that...
There are women who beg the Lord to to gave them one,
even the most painful one they are willing to bear
Therefore, there will never be a baby born from her womb
without father or before marriage vows is said

If I wish I never have one all my life
I must be grateful and remember that... 
There are women impatiently waiting for years
For the monthly blessing to stop
Therefore they can joyously tell their husband
Of the new life that is on his/her way.

Oh Lord. Sometimes life is complicated but life is to be bear patiently. 

I’m thankful now that I still had my PMS
Therefore I don’t have to go panic
Because the pregnancy test turn double pink strip
And when my time comes
I wish it stop at the right time
For me to embrace the new life
Trusted on me to care.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Birth of Mother and Father

"The moment a child is born, the mother (and the father) is also born. 
She (and he) never existed before. 
The woman (and the man) existed, but the mother (and the father), never. 
A mother (and a father) is something absolutely new."
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - And I add the "father" part

Where should I begin? No words could ever describe this exuberance feeling I have at the moment. My baby Tania is 1 month old already. I thank God that she continues to be the Joy for every new day. It is incredible that only a little bit over 1 month ago I was this big walking light bulb shaped person. It is amazing how my little baby is now growing that she outgrown her clothes already. And it is (still) hard to believe that Simon and I are parents... A mother and a father. Surreal!!!

It all started in 08/09/10 ... They called is "Tanggal Cantik" - Beautiful date (formation). Whatever it is, that date marked a new milestone in the life both Simon's and mine. I love the caption that Simon put in one of the photo in Tania's Photo Folder, "The last dusk for the two.. a new beginning for three". It was a picture of a sun coming down above Brighton Pier and Brighton City taken from the window of my delivery room. Indeed, it was a new beginning.

Being a new parent... having a newborn babies entering your life is both exhilarating and frightening. No longer would I only think of myself and my husband. Somehow, I have to balance me, my husband and our baby. I am entering a world where I have no adequate knowledge and know-how. I am face to face with another human being with limited ability to communicate and I have to make sure I take her cues to fulfill her needs. I read the above quotes about the birth of a mother. I love it. I think it really describe what I felt about motherhood. When I was pregnant, I fancy the idea of being a mother, grinning at the addition to my name as
my friend called me "Mak Peanut or Mummy Peanut" (pssst... Tania was lovingly nicknamed Peanut when she was still in my womb). But it was never until I witness her arrival in the world that the word "mother" embraced me in its full sense. I have always been there, a daughter, a girl, a woman, a sister etc. These attributes are attached to me and I don't have to struggle to fit in their shoes. But being a mother is a matter of being born again.

As Christian, the term "born again" is usually use to describe those who attend pentecostal or evangelist churches. Now, I do not want to debate and going all out on the lecture of "Born again Christians" and those who do not attribute themselves to this term. Born-Again Chritian is someone who made a decision to solemnly put his/her trusts in the resurrected Jesus for forgiveness of their personal sin and lives their life in obedience to the laws of God’s kingdom. They have, in effect, been born again of the Holy Spirit. Ongoing submission to the Holy Spirit in their life enables Christians to live their lives as God wants. This decision is cemented in (adult) Baptism. So the emphasis of baptism is not only on the symbolic acts of water sprinkled over your head or being submerged from the water or the cross sign made by the priest but on the act of conscious decision. A decision I made to realize my wrongs, turn to follow the right path and surrender myself in God through Jesus Christ. Therefore, I am being born again by the Grace of God through the Son Jesus Christ. I am being born with new attitude towards life and with a new faith that my life is no longer mine but it is God and Jesus within me. - Note: being born again doesn't mean that we are saint and better than others - Being born again means living in ongoing, constant and continuous relationship with God, thus we do our best as human to walk in the path of the righteousness and to know that God is only a prayer away.

So being a mother is also being born again. A brand new person with new attitudes, new daily routines perhaps new principles and a mountain of new skills to learn and master. Breastfeeding, nappy change, burping, lullabies etc etc etc etc...After 1 month, I think I now started to get the hang of everything. Thank you to my friends, my sisters and my family for their support in my first days (and week) of my motherhood. Being a mother also draws me even closer to God. There's that feeling of being God's partner in bringing up this little human being. I fully believe that just as my life is, My baby's life has also been planned by God and I am working with God to raise her according to God's will. Psalm 139: 13-16 said, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

Anyway, I was enjoying the joy (and pain and struggle) of motherhood when I realize one very important thing that was missing from the quote I put above. Where is the father? Why they only mention mother? I watched my husband that day as he took the wet laundry out to dry in the sun and then came back in to neatly fold the dry ones. O My Lord how very selfish we are to bathe ourselves in glory of being a mother and slightly put a side the role of a father. The day Tania, our baby girl, was born... It wasn't only a mother that was born... father too. He is also totally new to this role and somehow never really sure where to fit in the limbo of pregnancy and giving birth that is so "exclusively" dominated by us women. 

He is half of this new human being. God created her, half of him and half of me. Therefore, we are equal. None of us is more important than others. I remember posting a comment on Adit's notes entry the other day about this man-woman relationship. I said "Man and woman needs each other. None of them are better than the other. I think we should ditch the use of degree of comparison in man-woman relationship. Nobody is "better than..." or "the best of...". We are created special with different qualities and capabilities that completed each other." - 

Most of the time when we visited newborn, we tend to give our attention to the baby and the mother. We coo at the baby, hug the mother, share the feeling sorry of their pain and share their joy of doing their job so well done. Then we turn to the father and congratulate him and told him to take good care of them. He will sat in one of the chair, sometimes in the corner or maybe he went outside to smoke while everyone circle around the mother and the baby. In this picture father is a complimentary additional objects. Not fully incorporated in the scene. which is a pity because Mums aren't the only ones who suffer emotional and physical meltdown when they're faced with first-time parenthood. Being a new Dad can be very stressful too. Simon was with me through out my labour and the birth of Tania. During my labour, he was there holding my hand, rubbing my back and being squeezed real hard when contraction hit hard. We are fortunate  for being in England, Fathers are encourage to be with the wife through out the process. In Indonesia, usually father waited outside, fidgeting while listening of his wife screaming, midwife instruction and then baby cry. Father's are being brushed aside because this is none of male's business. Women took over from here please...! *~*... As man, you stay outside and fulfill your duty to pay the hospital fee, earn enough to meet all mother's and baby need, understand mother's fragile feeling, help with the baby etc etc etc... Suddenly, we exclusively glorify woman in motherhood and neglected father in their early fatherhood too. Their role sometimes reduced to sperm donor, bodyguard, walking ATM machine, private driver, personal photographer and so on. Never in full recognition within "Motherhood".

Therefore, in recognition of my husband's role as husband, best friend, lover and father of my child, I add the word father to the quote. As the day a Mother is born, a Father is born too. Together, they should be the pair of wing which the child will fly high. Both wings are equal, strong, supportive and work in unison with each other. None is more important. None is better than the other. Indeed, it's a new beginning for three (or maybe four later)

- A big thank you and love to Simon - for his love and support. You are the best husband and the best father in the world -

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Something that jump straight off my mind and dance on my keyboard

Membuncah dan begah
Terseok menahan remuk tulang
Pecah kulit tersengat
Cermin pun harus berbohong

Tubuh menetak
Tanah yang meliat
Tapi tak hancur

Bakar… bakarlah tembikar
Biar perapian memuntahkan benjana baru

Dari aku
Dari tanganmu
Untuk kami

Belum pernah lebih dekat
Yang membuncah dan begah

Dekat sekali

Menyemburat senyum 

Biar terpanggang

Biar luka

Aku dan benjanaku

Dekat sekali

Monday, June 7, 2010

YES!!!! I'm included in the round up.

Uuuh Yeah!!! Oooh Joy!!! I am so so very happy.
My recent love story with cooking is finally shows some progress. Not just that I enjoy the cooking process or eating the result and lovin' Simon's yummifying it, but also in taking picture of it. I think my new love story is growing with food Photography.

In regards to this last love story i mention above, I finally made it to Cooking Community on Internet called Masak Bareng Yuuuk! I got to know and bookmarked several blog of much experienced friends and got really inspired.

Well, this month I decided that I'm brave enough to include my recipe and photo for this months theme Egg-Based Dish. Lucky for me, my better-half bought me a BBC cooking book and I found a simple recipe, Greek Salad omelet, that contain two of my fave food items, black olives and feta cheese. Plus, when it was done the smell and taste of parsley with cooked omelet was really divine. Simon, on the other hand, don't fancy olives. No biggie, he just have to chuck them to my plate. Anyway, I made it to the round up! Together with much experience friends I have been drooling over their blog all this time. To see the round up result click here.
Hehehehe... It's just a small thing of course... but it made me really happy to find a new hobby that I really enjoy. Who knows it can bring fortune one day. ^_^

And to my honey, Thanks for letting me borrow the camera plus cheering me upand ran around crazy taking picture of the food. Luv ya!!!

To get the complete recipe of Greek Salad Omelet click  here.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

3 New Discoveries

Good Morning all!! At least it is morning here ini UK. 6. 45 am to be precise.
Anyhow, those 3 new discoveries are revelations, marks of a new beginning (???)
Babble... babble... bablle... in short

Discovery #1
I no longer fit in my clothes. At least the clothes I brought from Indonesia. Those I wish I can wear for summer. We were doing a bit of spring cleaning yesterday and finding time to sort through clothes. You know, winter has passed and summer is around the corner. Time to packed up the thick jackets shawls etc and put some colors and mini dresses \(^,^)/....
It's no biggie... I know... but learning to be realistic, I need to put aside, donate or throw away those clothes I love. C'Mon, it will probably be loooong time before i can fit in them again. By that time, I reckon I rather buy new ones.... HEY KA-CHING!!! YAY!!! blessing in disguise... a perfect reason for SHOPPING!!!

Discovery #2
Public toilets in Brighton, UK are awesome. I think I have befriended most of them. From supermarket's toilet, park toilet's, restaurant toilet's, railway and airport's toilet etc. I am very glad that they were all in great condition. Not smelly, clean and dry. oh well not germ free of course. C'Mon it's PUBLIC toilets.
But with my present condition I want to thank the council staff and volunteer workers who worked very hard keeping public toilet clean. People might underestimate and sometimes disrespect you, but you'all have done great to add to our comfort. THANK YOU!!!

Discovery #3
I loooove cooking. Surprisingly! Can't say I'm good at it. But I love the process and of course result. Best part is if it turned out to be (surprisingly) yummy - apart from surprise it is actually edible - is the nummy noise we made on the table yummifying the food. hehehehehe... Thanks to my better-half who never complained and always joyful to finish anything I put on the table.
With my ever increasing need and craving to eat, I have fun playing the role of financial manager. Making sure little can go a long way and still be nutritious, balance and healthy. So far so good....
And on promotional note... visit my foodie blog where I put complete recipe of my cooking. Mind you, it's beginner's cooking but fun enough to try.
Now, please agree with me.. there's no such things as I can't cook. Everyone can cook.
You just need to put aside time, be brave and have fun. What my better-half said, "cooking should be fun and daring. and Adventure". I mean he is getting good at cooking too. He's much daring and adventurous with ingredients and sometime put other ingredients (that we don't usually put) in his cooking and it turned out just as great as it is with his twist on it. Anyhow, try cooking and have fun...

Oh well, I am celebrating little things in life. Nothing in life is a coincidence. God is only too good for us.
Be blessed all

Monday, May 24, 2010

After A Great Weekend - I'm Browning

Monday! Do I love monday... Yeah pretty much...
Anyhow, I had a great weekend. It's proper spring to summer weather.
I ditched the extra layer of long-sleeved + stocking and long johns, shaved my legs (lol!!!), put on mini sack dress, sunglasses, lotion and headed out to the glorious sun.
It's something about the sun that makes you feel so ALIVE!!
Of course, back home I'll be (sometimes if not always) cursing the hot weather. But after a looong winter I am ready to embrace the sun.

We spend 2 days in a row at the beach with the view that of course - a feast to any man's eyes.
Sprawling semi naked bodies on the beach and parades of bare shaved legs and sexy shoulders are literally EVERYWHERE!! In the lawn in front of the church, small parks, stairs in front of the house any place with sun. People are sun-hogging. Simon and I giggled at these new 'species' which last week, when the temp was still nippy, was nowhere to be seen.

Sunblock and sun lotion with high SPF has gone up by 100% this weekend. Which remind me I need to get one too. I find my skin, esp my nose, burns easily now. At least I do not want to ended up like a lost Rudolph in Summer.

Alright, the day promise a great sunny and warm. I'm gonna enjoy it. Coz by Thursday it will plummet a bit.

Happy Sunny Days!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010


**Grinning ear-to-ear**

I've been wanting to write for a loooooooong time now. The excuse were lazy, no mood, lost of energy and no mood. So today, out of no apparent reason - no sudden bells ringing or light shone from above - I'm just in the mood for writing (again).

**Lips pouting** Alright!!!.... **Scratching my nose** What to write???
AHA! Random Notes ... (bear with me!!!)

- I need to start editing and uploading pictures and notes for my foodie blog as promised to several friends. Sorry girls, tiredness just get the better of me.
- Write down shopping list for next week for tomorrow.
- Set new goals and new routine for my daily exercise. I've been doing 4 laps of brisk walk around The Level Park plus go up and down the 'hill' to our house. I've been thinking of adding new routine such as window shopping at London Road and North Laine. LOL!!!
- The kitchen floor needs scrubbing... Hmmmm... whether I want and in the mood for that. Let's see...
- Decide whether my new hobby of moving the TV (it's a small TV!!!) from bedroom to kitchen or dining room so I can watch my fav daytime TV is a good one? My better-half said I'm turning into "ibu rumah tangga" (not that it's a bad thing to be one though- but on the point of being addicted to soap opera - Arrrghh Sinetron). Hmmm... Maybe 'Desperate Housewife' hehehehehe.
Mind you... I'm hooked on cooking show and Murder-Investigation Drama plus of course Neighbors and Home and Away which we can call Sinetron.
- Spring weather is awfull in the meantime. Nippy and rainy... Oh What a great british Weather...

Alright, that's about it now. I'm off doing stuff

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Sunday Blessing

I'm being nauseated for the last few months and frankly now I began to miss enjoying my food without hating it on the 5th spoon. This morning I woke up feeling queasy too so I decided to lie for a while in bed… praying… thinking… daydreaming…
I remember one lesson we talked about often at home about blessing of contentment… or blessing to enjoy… Well… here I am struggling with the right English term for it… mind you this is 6 am and my brain is everywhere right now. 
In Indonesia we call is “Karunia Menikmati” – roughly translated as blessing to be able to enjoy what we have - And of all the blessings we used to ask God in our prayer, I guess this is one blessing we somehow forgot to mention. We ask for happiness, success, wealth, to be kept away from danger and harm etc etc.
No matter how much we have - a lot or little – blessing of enjoyment of being content in what we have will make everything worthwhile and that will bring happiness. So many of us embark in the ladder of life where we get better position in work and receive better salary, then what happen. Our needs grow more and more. We somehow never seem to have enough. We became “greedy” because we cannot be happy with what we have right now. Just look around, there are more people who have much less than what you have but they live and they survive. For every animal God provide shelter and food. For us God will do even more… only if we first learn to be happy with what we have, to be content with enormous blessing of life we receive every new day…
So Dear God… give me today a blessing of contentment – for me to enjoy fully your blessings in my life no matter how little or how big it is… and to share it with others…
Teach us O God to count our blessings so we may receive a heart full of wisdom

Happy Sunday!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Passing 2009 to 2010

31 Dec 2009 - The Last Day of 2009
Wow!! What a feeling! I have woke up to 365 new days sometimes with big hope sometimes with a moody feeling. Adults breathe in average between 18,000 - 30,000 per day meaning that in average I had breathe between 6,570,000 – 10,950,000 times in 2009. I am alive and breathing. So Thank You God for the blessing of life. For every single breath that I take, I worship You, My God, My Creator and My Salvation.

This is my second year away from my big family in Ambon for both Christmas and New Year. But this year is special, Simon and I got to spend Christmas and New Year with our small family that God put together. He he he he… whenever I think about it I got the tingle in a silly place… like it start in my toes make me crinkle my nose… whenever I go the feeling shows… he he he he….. We also do not travel anywhere for this holiday time – in anticipation for the 2010 plan – we simply savor every second we have.

My habit for the last few years, watching the last sunrise of the last day of the year then the sunset that marked the end of the daylight in the year and of course, the sunrise of the new year. So here I am in Brighton, UK sat on my window with a mug of hot tea with milk – British Tea. I meant to go out to the beach but Alas the weather is not very friendly at the moment. The wind is blowing pretty hard, I can hear it banging my window. There’s a light rain outside with temperature of 4 C. The wind 13mph and wind chill at 0 C… so yes… it is cold outside.

I parted our curtain to let the sunshine in and I can see it now slowly coming in although it is gloomy outside. I am waiting for the sun to go high. Allowing the ray of sun chased the dark away. While waiting for the sun, I made a collage of the picture from Dec 2008 to Dec 2009. Let me tell you stories behind those pictures...

Dec 2008 - My and the Snowman. That's my first snowman and first snow during my study in US. I miss everyone in Hartford. I met new best friends, sisters and family apart from the knowledge from my study. I thank Rev. Jacky Manuputty for unforgettable learning and experience money can't buy.

Dec 08 - Jan 09 - Simon and me travel some cities in Europe for Christmas and New Year, Amsterdam, Paris, Brussel, Maastricht, Volendam, Voorthuisen. Never in our wildest dream we can do that. God is Good to us.

April 2009 - Sherman Street and Friends first Outdoor spring breakfast together.
May 2009 - I think this is the barbecue afternoon after we completed the papers and exams. A Spring party with lecturers, students and family.

May 2009 - The Women Leadership Institute last day group pictures. Here are my soul sisters. I miss the once a month session.

May 2009 - Also marked my graduation from Hartford Seminary. Pheew... I never thought I would make it. Thank you God.

June 2009 - Reem's farewell and also farewell to most of us who will depart home. I am one of those people flying home.

July 2009 - Young Ambassadors for Peace workshop. I miss those spark when I am around these wonderful young people.

October 2009 - Here's me and Simon in UK. We will be here for 1 year!!!


31 Dec 2009   4.45PM The sun has finally set for 2009. Yes, the sun sets at 4 PM because it's daylight saving. We had our dinner and prepare to head out to the Brighton Pier at Sea front to join streams of people looking forward for 2010.

Seafront was packed with people from all over the world. Travelers, tourists and local people joined together. Exactly at Midnight, people started to launched fireworks and they also launched Lanterns, paper lanterns. It's like Chinese new year lantern only it's not red but white paper. Soon the sky was filled with flying lantern carrying hopes, dreams and prayers for a better 2010. In the back ground, fire works boom booming, people cheering, waves splashed the pebbles and music from seafront pub and bars. Simon and I stood in embrace sharing our hopes and dreams...lift a thankful prayer to God the Almighty... We have our lantern flying upwards too... in the shape of our hearts. Happy 2010