The Water Girl

I remembered sitting in a Women Leadership class and our professor asked us to write a description of who we are. I wrote this following....

The water girl

Flows with the flows

Often bumps on hard rocks

But always manage to get through

Seeped through soil and hard stones

Though it takes time but the water will seep through

It is just a matter of time and patience

Colliding mingle mixing and always fluid with surrounding

Can be still as the lake

Can bubble with glee as the stream meet on the mouth of the sea.

Can sparkle and sprinkle as the raindrops lured it

Can rage as the stormed sea and calmed on the next wind breeze

Refreshed, soothed, cleansed

Deep and reflective

Reaching out and embrace

Water, element of life, you cannot live without.

I am now a ………… Momma

I was chatting with a friend last night and he asked me whether motherhood is difficult. The question took me by surprised for 2 reason; one, his question was a bit out of the content that we were talking about and second, I don’t know how to answer. Motherhood has its ups and downs but always the most beautiful role on earth. At the moment, my 1,2 y/o baby is beginning to walk and exploring so more work, time and attention are needed.

I asked him why he asked me that. He said I didn’t write anymore. He is looking forward for my next blog entry. Awww… how nice… It feels good when you know something you did is enjoyed by others.

I told him that of course Motherhood has its constraints. As a mother, I have different perspective of life, my priorities changed and husband, my baby and family life comes first. At the moment, better-half is working in another province so Tania got all my attention. Mind you, taking care of baby/toddler is a round the clock work. I admire my mother and generations before them.

I told my friend that despite the constraints, having a baby enable me to develop new skills.

I am now a …………

1. One-Hand-Momma: I am now skilled to work with one hand (left hand) while balancing a baby on my hip.
2. Multi-tasking Momma: I can talk on the phone with my husband while feeding Tania and simultaneously talking to her and Simon.
3. Creative-Momma: I made up silly songs in minutes or tell an imaginative story about bird poo in seconds.
4. Artistic-gymnastic-Momma: I sing, dance, pranced, jumped, run, roll, throw, catch and what ever that is needed to play, entertained and learn new skill with her
5. Talking-Polly-Momma: I talk about anything and everything to Tania. Repeating one word like a hundred times (or more) to help her pick up the language.
6. Chef-Momma: Constantly searching and researching for food and recipe that she will like and cook it from scratch. Tania is lactose intolerance. So we give her only home cooked food.

So I do write but not as much as I used to and as I wanted to. Most of the writing I do now were not publicized (yet). So I thank him for reminding me of my passion. Sometimes, we also need a bit of that kick to get us starting again. At the moment, I have a lot on my plate and I need to be wise to put everything in its position.

So here's an update on my blog for all my friends who wonder what on earth happening to me in Motherhood land. I tell you... it's a serious(ly) fun circus and I'm the Juggler!

Now I have to go, need to cook Tania's food before she wakes up.... have a nice day everyone

Repost from Friendster Blog - Series of Thoughts on the subject of LOVE (in Indonesian Language)

Originally posted on March 23, 2007 in My old Friendster blog

Cinta …
Satu-satunya kata yang paling sakti di dunia (dan akhirat).
Satu kata yang mampu menelurkan ribuan varian perwujudan.
Puisi … Lagu … Cerpen … Drama … Theater …
Lukisan … Novel …Simbol … Program TV…
Dan lain sebagainya yang masih dapat dirunut oleh kamu dan aku
Dan mungkin masih akan terus berkembang
Pada saat cucu dan cicit kita bertumbuh dan mengenal cinta itu …

Cinta ….
Pun memiliki ribuan objek dan sasaran …
Cinta kepada Tuhan … Cinta pada orang tua …
Cinta pada adik/kakak … cinta pada sepupu, om, tante, keluarga besar …
Cinta pada kekasih hati … Cinta kepada sahabat …
Cinta pada pekerjaan dan pengabdian … Cinta pada mahakarya …
Cinta kepada Negara …. Cinta kepada Almamater …
AND the list go on.

Cinta …
Punya banyak pemaknaan, pengorbanan dan penafsiran
Cinta buta … yang siap sedia membenturkan diri pada dinding-dinding pemisah…
Walau sesungguhnya Cinta itu tidak Pernah Buta…
Hanya mereka yang bercinta memilih untuk menutup mata…

Ada cinta terlarang …
yang perlu meliuk realita untuk dapat melegalkan sebuah hubungan
Yang kemudian diatas namakan cinta …

Cinta Sejati … betapa banyaknya orang yang mendengungkan pasangan kata ini
Bahkan anak SMP dan SMA yang baru berpacaran selama 2 hari
Sudah bisa menyebut pujaan hatinya sebagai Cinta Sejatinya …
Padahal sejatinya cinta itu belum tentu mereka pahami

Cinta tanpa pamrih (baca tulus) … Memang hanya cinta Tuhan pada manusia
Namun di dunia ..... mungkin hanyalah cinta orang tua kepada anak.
Seberapa bejatnya anak … orang tua tetap tidak akan mampu
Meninggalkan buah cinta dan darah dagingnya menderita dan disakiti.
Aku katakan mungkin karena ada juga
Orang tua yang memandang anak sebagai investasinya dimasa tua…
Agar ada yang merawat mereka pada saat mereka sudah tua, sakit-sakitan dan pikun
Tentu saja adalah kewajiban sang anak untuk kembali merawat orang tuanya
Tapi beberapa orang tua begitu terobsesi untuk hal balas budi ini sehingga yang terjadi
Bukanlah ketulusan sang anak dalam merawat melainkan membayar hutang semata

Dimensi cinta menjadi sangat universal…
Tiap generasi memiliki harta karun cinta-nya masing-masing
Bangsa-bangsa dari keempat penjuru mata anginpun
Dapat berpadu serasi pada cawan cinta
Cintalah yang membuat ebony dan ivory sit harmony
Cintalah yang membawa Melati dan Arabica duduk bersama (bukan hanya wafer tango..)

Cinta dapat bermanifestasi seturut kehendak yang mencinta
Einstein pun benar adanya … karena cinta pun relative

Cinta rasanya adalah pergolakan politik yang terus menerus
Sebuah proses merger dan bukan sebuah take over
Sebuah petualangan, pergolakan, politik yang sangat samar batasan dan indikatornya
Menakutkan namun menggairahkan …
Mengerikan namun mampu membuat kita mengecap langit ketujuh

Sebuah proses take and give yang selalu tidak pernah seimbang
Bila diukur pada neraca keadilan.
Salah satu dari kita tetaplah memberi lebih banyak disatu sisi
Dan disisi lain belahan jiwa kita itu yang akan memberi lebih dari pada kita
Semakin sering kita menghitung
seberapa banyak yang kita beri dan yang kita terima
Cinta akan semakin miskin dan bukannya semakin kaya
Gersang .... dan hanya seperti lintah darat

sibuk menghitung pembengkakan bunga pinjamannya

Kita tidak pernah bisa mengatakan secara jelas batasan adil dan tidaknya
Hanya yang bercinta saja yang mampu
Meraba batasan-batasan semu
Yang terus menerus bergeser itu….

Ada kalanya demi cinta dan mahligai cinta itu
Setangkup mimpi yang kita genggam harus tercampakan
Demi mewujudkan idealisme pengorbanan cinta
Tapi rasanya tak perlu demikian adanya
Cinta justru berarti suatu penyatuan kekuatan
untuk dapat lebih mampu mengejar asa, cita dan cinta itu

Sedih rasanya kalau demi sebuah ikatan cinta
Ada mimpi dan harapan yang harus dilipat rapih dan disimpan disudut hati
Atau yang teronggok di persimpangan jalan kesana
Tidak adil rasanya dan … sungguh bukan cinta namanya

Kalau hari ini jemariku lincah berlarian diatas tuts keyboard
Dan kalau hari ini kamu membaca buah cinta dari pikirku
Yah … juga karena aku dan kamu sedang berusaha memahami cinta kita
Varian apakah cinta kita?
Toh bukan hanya virus computer yang bisa bermetamorfosa
dan bertransformasi menjadi berbagai varian
Di zaman computer ini … patut jugalah virus cinta ini …
menginfeksi lembaran weblog-ku ini

Cintaku … masih … sedang … dan akan terus bertransformasi
Membuatku terus bermetamorfosa
Menjadi lebih baik atau lebih buruk
Itu tergantung seberapa sejati cintaku itu
Aku suka sekali untuk membantah slogan cinta kebanyakan
Bahwa … Cinta itu Buta ….
Buatku …
Cinta itu punya mata yang lebih tulus
Ia melihat dengan segenap panca indra yang dianugrahkan Tuhan

Cinta itu Pilihan
Cinta hanya memilih untuk menutup mata atas kekurangan
Mata cinta hanya memilih untuk mengabaikan
Mata cinta hanya memilih untuk memalingkan wajah
Atas hal-hal kecil mengganggu seperti kerikil dalam sepatu
Dan memutuskan untuk membuka sepatu dan mengeluarkan kerikil itu
Atau … terus saja berjalan dan menikmatinya sebagai acupressure
Toh … aku yang memilih sepatu itu
Aku yang memilih melewati jalan itu
Aku yang menorehkan jejak dengan kesakitan dalam sepatuku
Toh … waktu kupilih …. sepatu itu yang terbaik
Untuk menemaniku menapaki hariku

Cinta … Sepatu … tidak connect memang
Jangan protes aku Karena tulisan tak berujung ini
Toh kamu membacanya juga …
Salahkan saja pada cinta …
Tulisan ini lahir karena kecintaanku untuk membiarkan…
Kata-kata berseliweran bebas dalam imaginasiku
Dan kemerdekaan bagi jemariku untuk menari sepuasnya di laptop pinjaman ini

Mengisi waktu yang hampa menuju jam 10 barat dan jam 12 timur
Antara The Last King of Scotland dan kebengongan yang berjuang menaklukan kantuk

Hanya cinta yang memahami …
Untuk cinta …
Hanya untuk dia

A Song of The Moment

I am singing this song of Nikita - Pilihan Terbaikku. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1mPGWTKub8
I should thank this girl's sweet voice and the blessed song writer for this wonderful blessed song.
Getting nearer to Easter and I am meditating on how life is and how God's been working wonderfully in big or small unnoticeable way.

I'm putting the lyrics below and will translate it so my fellow friends of non-Bahasa Indonesia speaker will be blessed as well.

Pilihan Terbaikku (My Best Choice)
by Nikita

Bila Ku Renungkan               (When I Think about)
Betapa Beruntungnya Diriku  (How Lucky I am)
Ku Dapat MengenalMu         (to know YOU)
Dan Merasakan kasihMu       (and to feel YOUR love)
Bila Ku Bayangkan                (When I imagined)
Mengapa Kau Menyelamatkanku (Why YOU saved me)
Ku Bersyukur Selalu              (I am always grateful)
Kau Ada Dalam Hidupku      (YOU are in my life)
(*)
Walau Saat Ini               (Though at the moment)
Dunia Tak Mengerti       (The world cannot understand)
Mengapa Hatiku MengasihiMu (Why my heart loves YOU)
Suatu Saat Pasti Kan Terbukti  (One day it will be proven)
Kau Pilihan Terbaikku    (YOU are my best choice)

3 Quick Notes

1. Two days ago was the first time in 6 months that Simon and I went to a Family Baptism Celebration for about 1 hour without Tania. Those with baby will understand how momentous this is. Of course we returned and get the report that she cried for a bit but they are able to distracted her. Hallelujah for Aunties and Grandma! 
2. Today, I went shopping for clothes. Another momentous occasion. I have been dreading to go shopping since my postpartum body decided to grow into voluptuous shape ^_^... but family wedding day is approaching fast and I had to be prepare. Nevertheless, God is good. Despite constant teasing from Simon, which I now welcome aboard and enjoy, We manage to find a good outfit for me. YAY!!!All round applause please...
3. I got my almost waist length hair cut to above shoulder cut. My hairdresser, her assistant and several other women in the room gasp and wince when she cut my hair. She said "Don't you feel sad and depressed cutting your long hair?"... I smiled at her through the mirror and said... "Goodness, NO! A very active baby with long hair? I had enough for 6 month now. It'll grow back. Now... Make me 'human' again!" - Anyway, I'm lovin my new hair and I feel 'alive'

Don't have the picture of my newly cut hair yet but you can expect it coming... ^_^....

What We’ve learned as 6 month old parents

1. The one and ONLY thing you need in raising a child is God! The source of wisdom, the Provider, the Strength and the Centre of Joy. Trust in God even in the smallest thing like changing a diaper.
2. Money is not necessarily the biggest problem. God has been opening doors and blessings had been flowing like rivers. SO no fear when money is short and a baby is coming. See point 1 above – Trust in God and all will be well. Take our words for it… We’ve been there and certainly, God provide even before we even think of it.
3. Your husband is no longer only your lover or best friend, he is the father of your child. Never neglect him or pushed him away from the exciting adventure of caring for the baby. If the father is willing and eager to be involved, include him and learn together. There’s a precious moment to a child to see her parent as one team.
4. (If you are lucky as I am, to live close/with one) Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles , Nephews and Nieces are great aides sent from above. These are your helpline. They come all geared up with tons of genuine love for your child and a sets of willing hands to help you, either rocking or playing iwht the baby so you can get that PRECIOUS several minutes rest.
5. Get rest whenever time allowed. Caring for a baby requires lots of energy (Can I Get an AMEN Ladies) and when Mommy is cranky – baby will be fussy too. A little rest will do wonders to keep your level of sane-ness and uplift your spirit.  – Use helpline – see point 3 and 4
6. If you think motherhood is tough, try switching your point of view to the father. Fatherhood is equally tough. Just because men/husband/father didn’t go through labor pains that doesn’t mean things are easier with them. They are also entering new phase of life with new perspective, new role and new responsibility.
7. If baby is throwing tantrums, bad mood day, growth spurt or things just don’t go right,… pray and say this to yourself… “This too will pass!” --
8. Baby Bjorn, Baby Walker (and perhaps other baby stuff for you) are important tools to put baby to sleep
9. There are no such thing as “She has too many pictures or video al ready”. Later in her years those snapshots will be the gems. You’ll find time to laugh and smile at them.
10. All those fancy  (read: Expensive) baby stuff, baby toys, baby clothes and baby utensils  are not necessary. Baby don’t care about brand names or how cool they look. They need good diapers, clean clothes and lots and lots of love – As for clothing, they’ll grow out of it in a blink
11. I find that having a baby give you more time and opportunity to have intimate time with God. Those long (lonely) nights of breastfeeding are my perfect time to chat  with God, to give thanks, to cry, to think and to listen, and most of all just to realize how blessed I am to be God’s partner in raising this beautiful gift in my arms. – (later then of course I will update my status on Facebook before going back to sleep)
12. Seeing Tania relies on us for her every single need, for love, for comfort and for protection enable me to understand my/our relationship with God. We call God, Our Father (Please no gender comments – let’s see this as a figurative language not about the patrimonial figure but rather a set of parents figure in one as a metaphor for parent-child relationship of God and us). Thus as parent and child relationship, I/we rely on God for our every need, eben the smallest one. Dear God, How on earth do I not praise you in my every breath, if like a child, I am dependent on You. You have thought of what I need and provide them on time. Verily God, You are amazing and I am humbled to find God who sees me as a child of Your own.
13. Be informed and be wise. Parenthood is not just tradition, habits and old-wives tale. You will get many advices – medically, spiritually or traditionally. Take them all aboard and use wisdom to go though them. We are new parent. They have has grown up, healthy and successful kids. So they do know a thing or two about raising a child. And YES, you don’t STUDY how to raise a child from a BOOK. But reading enables us to put sense to the advices whether it is beneficial for the baby medically, emotionally and physically. Some advices will be plain nonsense and dangerous but so many other traditional advices are proven helpful.
14. Baby sweat is the sweetest smell …. Hehehehehehe
15. The world is suddenly more exciting and full of new discoveries when we see it from our baby eyes – Discovering different smell, learn to sync hand and eye coordination to grab objects, learn to swallow your first food and how it taste etc
16. Be thankful for cicles of Momies – if you don’t have one, create one or join one. I am thankful for my many circles of Mommies those I met in real life and those I meet on internet. - - Circle of Mommies in Brighton, Circle of Ninety-Niners Mommies, Circle of Facebook Bible Study Mommies.
17. And of course, both Simon and I, are ever so thankful for our great parents. Being a parents ourselves, help us to understand, respect, and love our parents more. They have sacrificed a lot to get us to this time and state.

Trust me my initial list is actually longer and the list grow longer by the minutes. ^_^… But here’s is my sharing, may it be a blessing to those who reads – esp my fellow new mommies….

A letter to my better-half

Dear my boyfriend (still),

We had an awesome 3 years of marriage on our hand now.

Not yet as many as our parents but we give thanks for each passing year.

But we’re also dating each other for 10 years and will still continue to do so.

Thank you for these 3 and 10 years.

We have ride the wind hand in hand high and low

We fall and we bruised

But we get up and soar again.

We have done our best to be the wind in each other’s wings

So we may fly and reach the sky

Thank you, I have flown high and you have been the anchor and the solid ground I stand.

Thus, I don’t fly too high and get lost but stay rooted and remember who I really am.

We both have our weakness and strength

In 3 years of marriage and 10 years of dating

We have learned to work in-tune with each other

We have learned to understand, accept, respect and love each other

We have been together in each other weakest point and also in our strongest point

And now as we have been trusted with our bundle of joy, Tania.

I can’t say anything else, I thank God everyday for a great man as you are.

My wonderful husband and boyfriend,

My best friend and partner

The father of my child and the better-half of me

Thank you for always treating me lovingly (I’ll do my best on my part too)

Thank you for trusting me and believing in me

Thank you for loving my family as your own

Thank you for putting our love and life in God’s hand

Thank you for the fun, crazy and adventurous thing we’ve done together (and more to come)

Thank you for the best head and shoulder massage (available every time with/without request)

Thank you for caring for me during pregnancy (your wits help me survived)

Thank you for holding my hand on the delivery  room when Tania came to this world (actually, allowed your hand to be squeezed so hard by me to the point of bruising)  

Thank you for a hands-on, ever so ready and willing help in those first day of parent hood (thank you to Internet and bunch of friends and family on facebook for the tips and advices)

Thank you for not reside in being “Man-ly” and always there for me as we together care for Tania. Unlike any man or other father I know for sure.

You have shown me and Tania what a great man is made of.

 Hope one day she’ll be as blessed and as lucky as I am to find a man like you

Thank you for so many different things. I would like to say more but the list will go on and on

So I’m ending it with the most important thing

Thank you for choosing me…

Note on My Birthday

So I have another birthday. Another Year passed and many more years to fill with love and adventure.
Yes, I am now the big 3-0. Phew... that's a big number. I have been blessed abundantly, beyond my imagination and I am thanking God for all His love and grace.I am thanking my mom and dad for they have done one-hell-of-a-great job raising me, educating me and help me finding my own way. Imagine if they decided to ditch me even before i was born, or raise me badly. I can't imagine the result. But all in all, I know God has written each one of us a beautiful plan of life.

I had a wonderful birthday. This is rather an important milestones. As I said before, I'm in the big 3-0.
I had a wonderful early birthday surprise from my better-half (Thanks Honey. You're the best!)
My mom-in-law cook me a very special but sophisticated vegetable dish that took her hours to finish, plus baking me a roll-cake. I am so touched.
A funny, "it-happend-again" Birthday incident with my Mom... hehehehe...
Plus, My students gave me surprise gifts. Awww... thank so very much to Sally, Nenny, Doory, Christ and Berry. being with you is already a gift for me.

I woke up on Feb 14th, thinking what a rich person I am. I have countless Birthday greetings and many people who sends their love and blessing on my birthday. I have 2 families who love me unconditionally. Friends and family around the world. But I found my precious gift of all, lying next to me as I opened my eyes every morning. My better-half, Simon and our baby Tania. Thank you God for this wonderful life.